"SO PRO" MIKE JONES...

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Mike Jones doesn't call his shoes Didora's...they are his "Nut Kickers."
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Mike Jones' shoes only stink because of all the butt he kicks.
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Mike Jones doens't take calls, he makes them.
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Mike Jones uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
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Mike Jones can get Blackjack with just one card.
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People created the automobile to escape from Mike Jones...Not to be outdone, Mike Jones created the automobile accident.
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When Mike Jones was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Mike Jones.
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Mike Jones has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Mike Jonesasaurus.
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Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Mike Jones is looking for it.
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Mike Jones has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.
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There is no Control button on Mike Jones' computer.
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Mike Jones is always in control.
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Mike Jones is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Mike Jones is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
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Earth's emergency defense plan in case of alien invasion is Mike Jones.
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Mike Jones can split the atom. With his bare hands.
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On the SAT if you put Mike Jones for every answer you will score over 8000.
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No matter what your mother always said, Mike Jones can tune a fish.
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Mike Jones let the dogs out.
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Mike Jones eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
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Mike Jones does know what Willis is talking about!
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The active ingredient in Red Bull is Mike Jones's sweat.
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When Mike Jones goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
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Mike Jones once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
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Mike Jones can hold his breathe for nine years.
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Mike Jones trick-or-treated as himself as a child. Mike Jones likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
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The helicopter was invented after Mike Jones was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
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Mike Jones brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
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Mike Jones can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
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Mike Jones makes onions CRY!!!
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Mike Jones eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
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Mike Jones is not only a noun, but a verb.
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Mike Jones does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Mike Jones goes killing.
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Mike Jones counted to infinity - twice.
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Mike Jones insured Health Net.
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The Boogy Man checks his closet for Mike Jones when it goes to bed.
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When Mike Jones sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
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Mike Jones has not had to pay taxes ever.
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To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Mike Jones smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
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Mike Jones sleeps with a night light. Not because Mike Jones is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mike Jones.
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Mike Jones ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
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Mike Jones can touch MC Hammer.
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A blind man once stepped on Mike Jones shoe. Mike replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Mike Jones!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Mike Jones.
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Mike Jones has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
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As a teen Mike Jones impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscon. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Mike Jones once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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Mike Jones is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Mike Jones.
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Mike Jones appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Jones replied, "That's no glitch."
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Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Mike Jones tendon.
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Oxygen requires Mike Jones to live.
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If Mike Jones is late, time better slow the f down.
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Mike Jones died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
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A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Mike Jones and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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At birth, Mike Jones came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Mike Jones but Mike Jones.
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Mike Jones doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Mike Jones frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.